If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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