yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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