I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
