moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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