I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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