He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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