I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
