butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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