I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
