remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
