Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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