this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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