i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
