You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
