i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
