my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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