I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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