You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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