He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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