You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
