how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
