Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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