I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I want is dick and wine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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