if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
