sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
