Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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