the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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