Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
