At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
