He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
babies were throwing up all over the place
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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