Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
