I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
