the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
