OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
