apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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