can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
