Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
