A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
