there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just want nice things and good sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
