too bad you live with your parents still
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Four minutes until I can fart!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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