to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
