I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
