well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
