The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
