Swine flu. Run for my life!
where am i from again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
