she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
