You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
