Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
