I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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