did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
