sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
