Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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