okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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