carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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