do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
