If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
