??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
