i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
