i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
