some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
