Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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